I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
