Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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