I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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