If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
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What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When did angry sex become our thing?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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