your parents love me but you hate me
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
