I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
