Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
