i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
