I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
