My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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