I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
