And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I didn't notice because vodka
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
