the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
