Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize