K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
