Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You need a sexual gate keeper
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
