Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
