If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
