Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
