Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
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