I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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