I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
