Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
