He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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