I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
