Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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