Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
