if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
