i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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