i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
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No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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