i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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