I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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