I hate your face
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
