Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
