I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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