I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
