Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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