My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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