I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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