it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
