I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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