i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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