I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
