I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
