Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
