it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
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He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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