Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
