i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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