Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
