I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
