used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
