They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
