Don't make out with my wife yet
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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