I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
