...so i touched it.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
