I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
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He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
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Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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