Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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