Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
