So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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