My sheets look like a crime scene.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
