why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
