You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
