ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
