He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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