he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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