now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
