i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
