her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
