it was like fucking gandolphs beard
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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